I’m grouping the last lot of days together because they were pretty much the same! Crap! I’ve been hit with a mother of all colds which I think is just because I am feeling so run down!
Rocco and that bastard door!!! I spent 45 minutes putting him back to bed Saturday night until I completely lost my temper and told them off. And ofcourse then they stayed in bed and went straight to sleep and I felt terrible!
For 45 minutes every time I shut that door he appeared before I even had chance to turn around! Then to top things off I fell and slipped on the rug bruising my whole stomach! It’s quite painful.
Anyway.. Sunday night was better.. we had two open doors and then they went to bed but they have been waking every night around 2am crying for the door to be opened. To have some peace I’ve relented and let them. It says not to do this in my 3 day nanny book but the minute the door is open they go back to sleep. I wouldn’t care so much about the door being open if I didn’t live in a flat. The doors are all off the main living room and I just think it’s so noisy when I first put them to bed… I sleep on a sofa bed in the living room so it’s not like I can go into my room and shut the door.
Anyway, Wednesday night Willow had a huge melt down about me not shutting the door so in the end I have left it ajar. I have really lost the will to live with all these wake ups and I’m sick of bedtimes being me just shouting!
I’ve tried reading them the Rabbit Who Want To Fall Asleep Book but whilst Willow took to it, Rocco didn’t! I’m still doing the Pom Pom jar and I give them a Pom Pom every morning as they have slept in their bed all night (albeit not all THROUGH the night!)!
It’s definitely gotten better. I know that much. This time last week I was sleeping on their floor at night! They are going to bed better.. so I’m guessing it’s a working progress.
I wish they were still in cots as sleep training them in the cots was easy as pie compared to this!
So.. there’s a few things I have taken from the 3 day nanny book that I want to share. She says it’s never just sleep. There’s always more to it than that and to think about what you do during the day and how they behave etc.
The twins have always been clingy.. worse when Toby died. I see now what I didn’t see then. That Toby’s death really has affected them.. even though they were so young and it’s hasn’t been quite so obvious. It’s not something I should have brushed under the carpet but at the time I was just putting one foot in front of the other and I didn’t realise the impact it really has had on them, especially as they have gotten older. Ofcourse they missed his presence and of course that made them more inclined to cling to me.
So, one of the tips in the book is to set up play stations in the living room as expecting them to just play on their own without encouragement isn’t often feasible. So at the weekend I set up a book corner, put their castles on the rug, they had a peppa pig corner, some games on the other rug and some pens and writing books on the table. I then told them that I was going to have a shower and get ready and that I would like them to play on their own.
Well they were over the moon, Willow told me that the play stations were wonderful!! Rocco loved them too. They played for ages together, staying in each section for long periods of time and played really lovely together.
I did notice that they didn’t come and find me or sit and whinge or follow me about like they would have done if I’d gone to get some jobs done. They were really happy and this gave me time to have a shower and do some jobs. I found the whole day easier and actually they went to bed easier that night too.
Rocco is definitely having some kind of separation anxiety when he isn’t with me so I’m trying to just reassure him all the time and I’ve spoken to the nursery and they’ve suggested making a little book of photos for him to have at nursery.
I am also thinking of looking into some kind of bereavement therapy for them as the nursery are worried that they never talk about their dad. Willow talks a lot with me but Rocco never wants me to talk about it and I’m at a loss as to what exactly is the right thing to do or say. I don’t feel like I have the right tools to help the twins with this so I may look into that.
We are just simply all really tired. I’m ready to crack I think. I feel ill and there’s just no let up. Today I was so mad at Toby for leaving me to deal with all this shit on my own I threw something at a frame of pictures of us before leaving for work and then when I got home I found the frame had fallen and broken onto the floor.
That’ll teach me.
But just when you think it can’t get any worse, that you are really on the verge of a breakdown because you are so extremely tired and broken from so many broken nights sleep.. the unthinkable happens.
Last night we dropped Sienna to guides, got the twins into bed, read them two stories and I compromised and said I’d leave the door open a teeny tiny crack. Rocco shuffled down into bed and Willow looked sleepy and I thought to myself “these two aren’t getting up”. I said good night and happy and content they fell asleep! I couldn’t quite believe they weren’t coming out of the room and that we had the first bedtime is weeks without me losing the plot!
I was worried that the door being open a bit would keep them awake so I turned all the lights off and didn’t put the tv on and instead got the laptop out and did a few bits of work. I fell asleep around 11 and woke just before 6am.. BEFORE the twins!
The twins woke at 6.06am.. happy (and abit snotty) having slept through the night! A full nights sleep has done us the world of good and we are all in a good mood this morning!
The first full nights sleep I’ve had in months! I can’t tell you have fucking refreshed I feel, even if I woke before 6am!
Maybe I just needed to compromise with them a bit, maybe keeping the door open has made them feel safer…maybe they were just so fucking tired that they slept. Maybe it’s a fluke and they’ll be awful tonight!
Maybe it’s a bit of everything.
I really hope it continues tonight…